70’s feminism bought with it the idea that women could be just as powerful as men. Not a bad politics at the time but. What ended up happening was a hierarchy of oppression where those with the most oppressions were accorded the most privileged position. At a feminist conference a workshop was undertaken where you got a chocolate biscuit for every oppression you experienced. She with the largest pile of chocolate biscuits, poor, disabled, lesbian, in an interracial partnership…  won.  But what would those 70’s lesbians have made of transsexuals, would they have been welcomed to privileged end of the lesbian hierarchy? or would they have been accorded the status that went with heterosexual privilege, access to better jobs, bank loans, credit card…? Who know’s trans politics wasn’t out there yet, but I suspect, if they had been allowed to come to the conference at all ( and in many cases they still are not, any more than any kind of queer heterosexuality makes it onto the tropical fruits agenda) they would have been kept firmly outside the magic central circle.   It’s all not very radical politics really. All it says is you’ve got to be the same as me to be part of my group. No more radical than the privilege accorded to white middle class males in 1970’s.

In the transsexual community, it seems to me,  being as close to a genetic girl as possible is the privileged position. I understand this. Gay men only have to come out once, when they tell their friends and family. Transexuals on the other hand come out every time they go out. No wonder passing as a woman is so important. The closer you look to a genetic girl the easier it is.  But what I have got to say and I want to say it really clearly is that it’s time for trans cool politics.  Personally, I love gender play, gender bending.

Linda Karen in this photo also looks fabulous, yes it’s a totally girl look but even without the hair and make up the pleasure of expressing herself in an appropriate gender position I am sure would shine through.  I guess what I am trying to say is that gender is more than how you look and my trans friends can be totally fem without even lifting a mascara wand.  It’s time those old hierarchies were laid to rest girls.

Linda Karen doing girl in Boy Mode

What do you girls think?Is there more to doing girl than genetic girl mode? Is there more to being a girl than walking the walk, talking the talk and wearing make up?

Dr Michelle Mars is a free lance sexologist living in Sydney. You can contact her on 0415768084 or Michelle@sassi-inc.com

I have last night! We did a group massage thing. Seven of us, 2 massage tables and oceans of bliss. The thing I am really enjoying is that the bliss is still with me today to the point that I am writing the post, the first time I’ve blogged for months.

Sexual experience is so intimately connected to our sensuality but I think that in a busy world, where lives are moving fast, we often lose sight of our bodies aside from a quick bonk when the time is right (and its Business Time) . Sometimes it can be hard to let boundaries go and explore, it’s just not a big part of ‘western’ culture.  In fact we’re culturally programmed to be suspicious of sensuality. When I was first invited to a group massage experience I was vaguely creeped out!  Was this going to be some kind of weird cult-ish experience? So it was with a sense of mild curiosity and the hope that I wouldn’t scream ‘get your hands off me’ and stomp off that I entered the room.

I didn’t freak out and the first experience was interesting in a weird kind of way. I walked into a room of about 20 people I didn’t know, candles glowing, heaters blowing, it was warm and friendly right from the start. People of different ages, sizes and shapes all together in one room with the purpose of getting naked and massaging eachother. We sat around and introduced ourselves and talked about what the group was: a few people getting together once a month to practice sensual (not sexual) massage. People said what they wanted and the rules where agreed upon.  Sensual rather than hard massage strokes, ‘my breasts are part of my body but I don’t want to be sexually stimulated’, ‘if you get a hard on it’s not a problem’,’ if you brush sexual organs  inadvertently  just carry on’,  and so on. We had about 20 minute sessions each. 3 people got on massage tables and the rest of us took turns massaging them.  After about the second person when I had relaxed I got into this really cool head space.  It was one of those moments when I felt like I learned something but not in words so putting it in words is also difficult.  But there is something about several people giving you their energy  and about you working with a few people to give someone else a blissful experience that feels good for the soul.  I slept like a baby that night.

I slept like a baby again last night and had amazing sex this morning and I’ve been blissed all day since.  In my experience of being part of the other group it just gets better as the energy builds, the expectations come into line and everyone gets comfortable.  I’m looking forward to more of the same.

Has anyone else had interesting sensual experiences?

Dr Michelle Mars is a free lance sexologist living in Sydney. She can be contacted on +61415768084 or Michelle@sassi-inc.com

And! I am about to write something about it. I’ve been away from this desk since the 31 August working on a UN project and doing scenario planning with a futurist. Both very exciting projects but now, at last, I am back to a sensible working week and ready to write once more. If anyone has seen my Christmas holiday could they send it home. Bye for now I will be back shortly. XXX to you all

http://tvnz.co.nz/20-20-news/pleasure-and-pain-kink-3697399/video Click this link to see kink culture in sydney and to see me experience a sexual spectacle of spoken satisfaction… yes it is possible to orgasm using only the mind

http://www.3news.co.nz/The-Sexpert/tabid/371/articleID/167631/Default.aspx Click this link to find out more about my businesss

Dr Michelle Mars Sex.Scoop.Co.NZ +64 21 979 373

Wellington’s very own fetish ball will be held for the second time on the 28th of August this year at the Garden Club. The first one, held a couple of years ago was fabulous. The acts held me spell bound and between acts there was plenty to entertain too.

Sometimes we hesitate to try something new because we don’t know what to expect. So I am going to tell you exactly what you can expect to see , hear, experience and feel.

And if you want to see a little more about what kink culture is about you can see a recent 20/20 story…..http://tvnz.co.nz/20-20-news/pleasure-and-pain-kink-3697399/video

Read more »

Being noisy makes you have bigger better more intense orgasms.

Read more »

Dr Michelle Mars for sex.scoop.co.nz 021 979 373

There is a moment of absolute ecstasy, your mind goes blank or yellow or blue, it goes on for minutes, you feel it in your heart or your belly or your genitals. It can happen during sex, or after or sometimes even before. You connect with your partner and you begin to feel an orgasm flow through your entire body, through your, spine, into your heart, your belly, your vagina, the tip of your penis. Read more »

Dr Michelle Mars, Wellington Sexologist,  writing for Scoop on Sex.Scoop.Co.NZ

A Sydney client sent me a book called Kink to review.

I waited with eager anticipation for this book. A Sydney  journalist spends  four years of her life talking to people and researching fetish and kink. Read more »

By Dr Michelle Mars

+64 21 979 373
Sex.Scoop.co.nz

The vagina. We are all fascinated by it but we don’t really like to think about much less talk about the ins and outs of our ladies front bottoms. Anything that is forbidden tends to fascinate so perhaps that’s why this week we got to see a documentary that explores that very thing for the second time.  Well actually it’s about the vulva, that is, the bits on the outside that we can see. But that’s just splitting hairs. If there are any hairs there that is. Read more »